Et Tu?

"This was the noblest Roman of them all."

Antony paying tribute to the dead Brutus.
Act 5 Scene 3, line 68.


Today while leaving to go out, I told a friend of mine that I was independent and I liked it that way. I got about as far as the driveway when I remembered that I was so independent that I had no way of leaving my house, since I didn't have my car.


If you've read my past blog on my car, Brutus, you know how much he means to me. And if
you haven't read it, then I highly suggest you do, or else this blog won't make much sense.


Well, Brutus has fallen, and just like the Roman Empire which he so skillfully destroyed, I don't know if he will rise again. After getting pulled over for the fifth time for a broken brake light I brought my car into the mechanic shop where he informed me that Brutus' exhaust was broken. Turns out, what he needs to do to fix him is extremely expensive, and I know very well that Brutus has already paid off his worth. So the decision is up to me to pay for him to get fixed.

My friends were all extremely concerned this weekend when it was my mom's brand-new hybrid I was driving, instead of my "classic" Volvo. I explained to them that Brutus was sick and I didn't know when he was coming back. From a couple of them I got gasps, some I got really sad expressions, and when I suggested actually looking at another car, Bryn Thomas actually looked at me and said "No." I guess it's safe to say that they don't see me with any other vehicle.

So when I was explaining to Aly that Brutus might be down for the count, she compared his falling apart, to our group falling apart next year when we go to college. As much as I don't want to think about it, I know that the first step is to admit that you have a problem; and my problem is that this whole "leaving" thing really just isn't doing it for me. I know I was blessed in high school with amazing friends, and now that I'm forced to have to leave them I don't know where I'm going to go from here. To know that when I come back there will be nothing, not even my beat up Volvo and all the memories it holds, to come back to actually hurts.

My group is like a car. With Bryn being the radio with a song always in her head, to Gabby with her sense being the steering wheel leading us, and Aly with all her drive and passion being the engine. I guess Leyla can come to, but she would be more of the funny thing that hangs from the review mirror. And those are just the girls who take AP Lit, there are more. There is Tracy who would have to be the gas petal, who is going to get where ever she wants to go. Only stopped by Julianne, who would be the brakes, always warning us to slow down before we hurt ourselves. There is Valerie and Clara, who make up the worn out seats I'm so familiar with and know me best. And you can't forget Chiara who would be the headlights, because once she sets her sights on something, she knows she will get it. Last but not least is Lauren, who of course is the brake lights, who is in the back laughing at all of us for getting lost.

We work as a unit, and to see us falling apart is scaring me. I know college is inevitable, and I know the future is going to happen no matter what, but either way it's sad knowing that the end to the beginning is approaching. And that without these people helping me along I'm not sure I can do it alone.

I have to have faith in the fact, that the bonds that have held us together, through the good times and the bad are going to be able to overcome distance. I know that we've gone through a lot more then most groups of friends our age have had to go through, and that the fact that we are still "uncomfortably close" speaks volumes on its own. I'm aware that if I ever needed anything that Julianne's house is only 5 minutes away, and that Chiara gives the best back rubs that makes everything better. I know that Leyla can make me laugh no matter what the situation, and that with Aly's positive spin on things I can get through anything. I know that there is always going to be a shoulder to cry on, or someone handing me a tissue to blow my nose. Most of all I know that we started out as girls, but every single one of us has emerged a woman through this high school experience. I love my friends dearly, and I know they have taught me everything I'm going to need to know when I have to face the reality of life. I might not want to go, but I know because of them I am ready.

Still, I think that it might be worth it to pay for the exhaust though, I'm not quite sure I'm ready to let Brutus fall...