Et Tu?

"This was the noblest Roman of them all."

Antony paying tribute to the dead Brutus.
Act 5 Scene 3, line 68.


Today while leaving to go out, I told a friend of mine that I was independent and I liked it that way. I got about as far as the driveway when I remembered that I was so independent that I had no way of leaving my house, since I didn't have my car.


If you've read my past blog on my car, Brutus, you know how much he means to me. And if
you haven't read it, then I highly suggest you do, or else this blog won't make much sense.


Well, Brutus has fallen, and just like the Roman Empire which he so skillfully destroyed, I don't know if he will rise again. After getting pulled over for the fifth time for a broken brake light I brought my car into the mechanic shop where he informed me that Brutus' exhaust was broken. Turns out, what he needs to do to fix him is extremely expensive, and I know very well that Brutus has already paid off his worth. So the decision is up to me to pay for him to get fixed.

My friends were all extremely concerned this weekend when it was my mom's brand-new hybrid I was driving, instead of my "classic" Volvo. I explained to them that Brutus was sick and I didn't know when he was coming back. From a couple of them I got gasps, some I got really sad expressions, and when I suggested actually looking at another car, Bryn Thomas actually looked at me and said "No." I guess it's safe to say that they don't see me with any other vehicle.

So when I was explaining to Aly that Brutus might be down for the count, she compared his falling apart, to our group falling apart next year when we go to college. As much as I don't want to think about it, I know that the first step is to admit that you have a problem; and my problem is that this whole "leaving" thing really just isn't doing it for me. I know I was blessed in high school with amazing friends, and now that I'm forced to have to leave them I don't know where I'm going to go from here. To know that when I come back there will be nothing, not even my beat up Volvo and all the memories it holds, to come back to actually hurts.

My group is like a car. With Bryn being the radio with a song always in her head, to Gabby with her sense being the steering wheel leading us, and Aly with all her drive and passion being the engine. I guess Leyla can come to, but she would be more of the funny thing that hangs from the review mirror. And those are just the girls who take AP Lit, there are more. There is Tracy who would have to be the gas petal, who is going to get where ever she wants to go. Only stopped by Julianne, who would be the brakes, always warning us to slow down before we hurt ourselves. There is Valerie and Clara, who make up the worn out seats I'm so familiar with and know me best. And you can't forget Chiara who would be the headlights, because once she sets her sights on something, she knows she will get it. Last but not least is Lauren, who of course is the brake lights, who is in the back laughing at all of us for getting lost.

We work as a unit, and to see us falling apart is scaring me. I know college is inevitable, and I know the future is going to happen no matter what, but either way it's sad knowing that the end to the beginning is approaching. And that without these people helping me along I'm not sure I can do it alone.

I have to have faith in the fact, that the bonds that have held us together, through the good times and the bad are going to be able to overcome distance. I know that we've gone through a lot more then most groups of friends our age have had to go through, and that the fact that we are still "uncomfortably close" speaks volumes on its own. I'm aware that if I ever needed anything that Julianne's house is only 5 minutes away, and that Chiara gives the best back rubs that makes everything better. I know that Leyla can make me laugh no matter what the situation, and that with Aly's positive spin on things I can get through anything. I know that there is always going to be a shoulder to cry on, or someone handing me a tissue to blow my nose. Most of all I know that we started out as girls, but every single one of us has emerged a woman through this high school experience. I love my friends dearly, and I know they have taught me everything I'm going to need to know when I have to face the reality of life. I might not want to go, but I know because of them I am ready.

Still, I think that it might be worth it to pay for the exhaust though, I'm not quite sure I'm ready to let Brutus fall...

Existentialism

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"
-Albert Einstein

There are no complex characters in Existentialism literature; only the complex questions: Who are we? and Why are we here? Character's primarily in Existential literature, are simplified, so simple in fact that they become complex through the idea that you have no idea why they exist.

In The Stranger by Albert Camus has a main character who is so simple that he can't figure out why he killed an Arab. The entire book the man does simplistic things like, eat sleep and talk. Camus portrays the main character so simplistically that the reader is left to wonder why he is even a character at all, and what is his point in the world.

The same theme holds true for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. The entire book circles around the theme that the two characters don't know why they have been placed in Hamlet. The characters themselves aren't that developed, and can't even remember who they are and which one is which. The idea that they keep coming back to is why do they exist, and what is their purpose.

Existtentialism has really opened my eyes in asking these questions. Good literature, and this type especially, gets you to thinking about the bigger picture. Why are we here? What is our purpose? And do we want to do more then just exist. Through existentialism I have started asking, and applying these questions to my everyday life.

Good vs. Bad

"Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him."
-Fyodor Dostoevsky

I have a suspicion that every single human on this planet has some good in them. This isn't a theory many people agree with. Usually when I announce this, a common retort is "Well what about Hitler?" My response? Hitler loved his mother. I firmly believe that there is no true evil on this planet. Of course I think there are evil deeds, but fully truly evil people? I don't think so.
What goes with that is the idea that there is no true good, unless I suppose you are the next Messiah. Which in that case I suggest you market that skill, there should be a media frenzy and People magazine would be sure to give you a full cover story. Other then that though, there are no people who are purely good. No one is put on this earth as a perfect individual. To be good at everything, or to always treat people correctly. They have to learn that skill through time and experience.
Humans are capable of extreme evil towards one another, I will not deny that. And I will not deny that humans are also capable of extraordinary things. A person is a mix of both, some are mixed evenly and some have more good then evil, and some vis-a-versa. Oh, and Hitler also loved dogs.

Week 3

"Don't bother to be better then your contemporaries or your predecessors. Try to be better then yourself."

-William Faulkner



My mother has a bookshelf. Actually, strike that she has many bookshelves. But the biggest one is the one in our living room. We have high ceilings and the giant oak bookshelf reaches the very top of them, and takes up a whole wall. It's filled with books from all three Brontes to the man of the hour Mr. Faulkner.

My mother (along with bookshelves) also has a theory: Most great authors are genius', and raging alcoholics. I think it's safe to say Faulkner was both. But most importantly I think Faulkner really summed up what we [the next generation] is trying to accomplish. There is always a constant battle, with classmates, siblings, friends, but most importantly there has to be one with yourself.

Every person out there has to compete, for something. Whether it be a raise, or a house. Everyone out there is competing against one another. And for what? To be better then everyone else. But as children weren't we told to be the best person we could be? Somewhere in the rat race of our everyday lives, we forgot this important fact. To challenge ourselves. At the end of your life don't you want to know that you were the best person you could be?

I think Faulkner really captures this idea in his quote. It also really pertains to us as Seniors. We are constantly pitting ourselves against each other. For what? 5 years from now you aren't going to remember that kid in math class got into UCSB and you only went to Cal Poly. Faulkner understands (as I'm starting to), that it's up to you to challenge yourself. And do it because you want to, not because of someone else.

Week 2

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."

-C.S Lewis

I came across this quote earlier this week, and it really got me to thinking of all the things we talk about when in AP Lit. Through our reading of literature, this semester, and last the works have focused around a huge events in a characters' lives. Last semester we watched as Siddhartha, found his way into the world looking for knowledge and wisdom. We took note as we watched Hamlet lead up to his own demise. We sympathized when Oedipus struggled with his destiny, and when Antigone was left to stand up for what was sghe felt was right. But most recently we have being watching as "the horror" plays out in Heart of Darkness.

I think the 'experience', more or less, that we should be taking from these works, is what is happening that leads these characters to do what they do. To not have to go through the pain and suffering that they do, but gather the experience and lessons from it.

I suppose that some would argue that the only way to learn a lesson, is to be face to face with it. But I would argue the fact that if a work is written well and from the heart, that it can teach you just as much, if not more, then a face to face experience. Heart of Darkness is a beautiful example of this fact.

Obviously, all 5'6 of me is not going to go trooping around the Congo, shooting "brutes", but I can learn from this book how devastating my greed, and treatment of others can lead to some bigger issues. All of these problems start from a single person dehumanizing others, and it leads into something almost unstoppable. For hate is easy to create, but hard to stop.

Lessons I have learned and experiences I have taken from these novels, have taught me valuable lessons. Lessons that I'm sure will carry on in the rest of my life. As C.S Lewis put is "My God, have I learned."

2nd semester week one

I'm addicted to the idea of opportunity. I guess what goes hand in hand is the addiction to possibility. Either way, these two things are my sole basis for doing anything in my life. I like to think of the possibility of being a doctor, or an author, or traveling the world. But when it comes down to the actual process of doing something I don't want to anymore, because there could be a better opportunity out there for me.
I'm obsessed with the thought of missing the chance to do something in my own immediate world. I have an issue with sitting still, and just relaxing because there could be the possibility of doing something else, something exciting or life changing. I want to go to every event, meet everyone, because with these new things comes new possibilities and opportunities. It'll go on like this for a while, but once someone asks me for a commitment to do something, I almost always back out. Why? Because there could be a better option out there for me.
I guess some would call it selfish. That I want the best of everything, and I can't settle. And in a way those people are right. Completely and totally right. I just don't want to miss out. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Because if I don't, someone else might jump on that opportunity and then I'll never get the chance.
Preferring to think outside the box is a talent of mine. Everyone sees the world differently, and in my world everything shines. You don't have to understand or believe me, but really it does everything has a sort of glitter to it. The world has always looks so exciting to me, everything is there for the taking. Because if I don't take it, someone else will, and there for I have lost the opportunity.

Week 14

After we looked at that website last night, with every possession out on the lawn I think possessions say a lot about a person. I'm looking around my room right now, and looking at everything I own. A whole room full of just possessions, which is in theory just stuff, things that essentially you don't need.
My best friend, Bryn Thomas, once asked me if I could save one thing in my house during a fire (having all pets, and family members safe) what would I save? I told her my car. Bryn said "No Grace, that's not in your house. What would you save in your house?" I had to think about that one of a second. It made me realize that all I have are really just things, that don't mean anything personal. I was about to say pictures, but I realized that all the pictures I want are now on Facebook, which in a sense takes away to the personal aspect of those to. I really didn't know, everything I own is pretty much replaceable. My clothes, although some expensive and some nice, can always be replaced. My books can always be bought again. And I'm not attached to any of my trinkets.
After debate, I decided I would save my stuffed animal Woofer. I've had the ugly little dog since I was 4, and to be quite honest, it's not all that cute. The tail is missing, and the eyes are all scratched up. But it's the one thing in my room you can tell has been loved for a long time.
A possession is just a possession, but really is more the quality and love you put into things you own then the quantity of stuff you possess.