Week 3

"Don't bother to be better then your contemporaries or your predecessors. Try to be better then yourself."

-William Faulkner



My mother has a bookshelf. Actually, strike that she has many bookshelves. But the biggest one is the one in our living room. We have high ceilings and the giant oak bookshelf reaches the very top of them, and takes up a whole wall. It's filled with books from all three Brontes to the man of the hour Mr. Faulkner.

My mother (along with bookshelves) also has a theory: Most great authors are genius', and raging alcoholics. I think it's safe to say Faulkner was both. But most importantly I think Faulkner really summed up what we [the next generation] is trying to accomplish. There is always a constant battle, with classmates, siblings, friends, but most importantly there has to be one with yourself.

Every person out there has to compete, for something. Whether it be a raise, or a house. Everyone out there is competing against one another. And for what? To be better then everyone else. But as children weren't we told to be the best person we could be? Somewhere in the rat race of our everyday lives, we forgot this important fact. To challenge ourselves. At the end of your life don't you want to know that you were the best person you could be?

I think Faulkner really captures this idea in his quote. It also really pertains to us as Seniors. We are constantly pitting ourselves against each other. For what? 5 years from now you aren't going to remember that kid in math class got into UCSB and you only went to Cal Poly. Faulkner understands (as I'm starting to), that it's up to you to challenge yourself. And do it because you want to, not because of someone else.

Week 2

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."

-C.S Lewis

I came across this quote earlier this week, and it really got me to thinking of all the things we talk about when in AP Lit. Through our reading of literature, this semester, and last the works have focused around a huge events in a characters' lives. Last semester we watched as Siddhartha, found his way into the world looking for knowledge and wisdom. We took note as we watched Hamlet lead up to his own demise. We sympathized when Oedipus struggled with his destiny, and when Antigone was left to stand up for what was sghe felt was right. But most recently we have being watching as "the horror" plays out in Heart of Darkness.

I think the 'experience', more or less, that we should be taking from these works, is what is happening that leads these characters to do what they do. To not have to go through the pain and suffering that they do, but gather the experience and lessons from it.

I suppose that some would argue that the only way to learn a lesson, is to be face to face with it. But I would argue the fact that if a work is written well and from the heart, that it can teach you just as much, if not more, then a face to face experience. Heart of Darkness is a beautiful example of this fact.

Obviously, all 5'6 of me is not going to go trooping around the Congo, shooting "brutes", but I can learn from this book how devastating my greed, and treatment of others can lead to some bigger issues. All of these problems start from a single person dehumanizing others, and it leads into something almost unstoppable. For hate is easy to create, but hard to stop.

Lessons I have learned and experiences I have taken from these novels, have taught me valuable lessons. Lessons that I'm sure will carry on in the rest of my life. As C.S Lewis put is "My God, have I learned."

2nd semester week one

I'm addicted to the idea of opportunity. I guess what goes hand in hand is the addiction to possibility. Either way, these two things are my sole basis for doing anything in my life. I like to think of the possibility of being a doctor, or an author, or traveling the world. But when it comes down to the actual process of doing something I don't want to anymore, because there could be a better opportunity out there for me.
I'm obsessed with the thought of missing the chance to do something in my own immediate world. I have an issue with sitting still, and just relaxing because there could be the possibility of doing something else, something exciting or life changing. I want to go to every event, meet everyone, because with these new things comes new possibilities and opportunities. It'll go on like this for a while, but once someone asks me for a commitment to do something, I almost always back out. Why? Because there could be a better option out there for me.
I guess some would call it selfish. That I want the best of everything, and I can't settle. And in a way those people are right. Completely and totally right. I just don't want to miss out. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Because if I don't, someone else might jump on that opportunity and then I'll never get the chance.
Preferring to think outside the box is a talent of mine. Everyone sees the world differently, and in my world everything shines. You don't have to understand or believe me, but really it does everything has a sort of glitter to it. The world has always looks so exciting to me, everything is there for the taking. Because if I don't take it, someone else will, and there for I have lost the opportunity.

Week 14

After we looked at that website last night, with every possession out on the lawn I think possessions say a lot about a person. I'm looking around my room right now, and looking at everything I own. A whole room full of just possessions, which is in theory just stuff, things that essentially you don't need.
My best friend, Bryn Thomas, once asked me if I could save one thing in my house during a fire (having all pets, and family members safe) what would I save? I told her my car. Bryn said "No Grace, that's not in your house. What would you save in your house?" I had to think about that one of a second. It made me realize that all I have are really just things, that don't mean anything personal. I was about to say pictures, but I realized that all the pictures I want are now on Facebook, which in a sense takes away to the personal aspect of those to. I really didn't know, everything I own is pretty much replaceable. My clothes, although some expensive and some nice, can always be replaced. My books can always be bought again. And I'm not attached to any of my trinkets.
After debate, I decided I would save my stuffed animal Woofer. I've had the ugly little dog since I was 4, and to be quite honest, it's not all that cute. The tail is missing, and the eyes are all scratched up. But it's the one thing in my room you can tell has been loved for a long time.
A possession is just a possession, but really is more the quality and love you put into things you own then the quantity of stuff you possess.

Week 12

These past few months have been insane. I'm not saying a bad insane, or necessarily a good insane, but just crazy all around. I have less then nine months left in Burlingame, and while I stay here I've decided I have to make a few changes.

One, I've decided to get rid of all the poison influences in my life. Most of these are my fault. For example my procrastination habit. I'm done with it, I'm trying my best to break the habit, because in the long run it's better for me. I've stopped waiting for certain things to change, that I know won't, because if I've done my best to change them and there still the same, then it's time to move on. Maybe some of the changes won't make me happy all the time, but in the long run they are what's best for me, and the people I love.

Two, I've decided that there is no time left to be unhappy. Happiness is a choice, and I want to choose to be happy while I'm here. I refuse to argue with anyone, I'm attempting to spend as much time with my friends as possible, I am doing my best not to get sad, angry, or stressed out, but most importantly do things that reflect me. This is something little I do everyday, this week my project is to learn how to play "Fight for Your Right" by the Beastie Boys on Piano. Last I was as I was looking up Hamlet songs online, I got inspired to write an Oedipus rap myself. These are just little things that make me happy, no one else. No one else would find any of this entertaining, but life is too short to be unhappy. And my time left is precious, so why waste it?

Week 11

I stood beneath an orange sky

With my brother standing by

With my brother standing by

I said Brother, you know you know It’s a long road we’ve been walking on

Brother you know it is you know it is

Such a long road we’ve been walking on

-Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky Lyrics

I've played AYSO soccer since 1996, and I have never injured myself. My last game of my last season of AY, I break my ankle. Irony in it's finest. I've been stuck doing extremely limited activities in my house for the entire weekend, and considering I'm always doing something I've all but gone insane. And the song that I posted above has been put on repeat by my mother all weekend, and is now tattooed in my mind.
So besides being stuck on crutches for homecoming, where does this leave me? I'm trying to be positive by catching up on homework, doing college apps, and reading. But I've spent an extraordinary amount of time with my brother. This all started when I first got home after my accident. Being left without a cast, or crutches, and no one being home I decided that the most practical thing to get from room to room was to army crawl, it worked even if I looked a bit ridiculous. So after doing this for a while, I notice that my younger brother Grant, has been watching me the entire time. I ask "Grant, help me into my room?" Grant looks down at me and goes "Nope, this is better then T.V." Thank you Grant.
The thing is, Grant has always been my best friend (and Gray to, but he's still too small). The pure reason for this is we spend less time together then any of my other friends. When I'm home he's asleep. When he's up I'm out. I go days to a week without seeing my brother, our only middleman being the texting or our parents. We don't fight, because we hardly see each other, and I've been told by friends that we're practically twins (in the way we act). Grant and I couldn't look much more different. While, Gray and I could be twins if he was older. Grant lacks our pink complexion and round faces. He is naturally dark skinned, and sports the famous Italian nose. But in humour, we are identical.

Needless to say, with being so busy, Grant and I haven't had much bonding time. So this weekend, we watched movie after movie, went to church, and actually ate dinner together. It's hard for me to look at him sometimes, him being almost six feet, with his deep voice and the girls call and ask for him. All I can think is this is the kid who wears a Snuggie around the house. But I guess that's what makes siblings close, the fact that you know their mannerisms so well, and you share the bond of blood. So having that working for us, and and through the fact that we listen and have never judged each other, makes my brother my greatest ally in the Goodman household.

Grant has always been the most sensitive of the Goodman three, with Gray being logical, and me just being tough skinned, that meant Grant was left to shoulder Gray's and mine emotional baggage. When our parents fight, Grants the one that freaks out, or when someone gets sick, it's Grant that gets upset. When my Grandma passed away this summer, it was the first death that any of us children had experienced of a close relative. I witnessed Grant being torn from being a "man" and what that entails, to being his normal emotional self. Grant's emotional side gave in, and when we went in the hospital room to say our final goodbyes, he made me come in with him. And while holding my hand, he spoke his goodbyes for both of us. That night neither one of us slept, and with Gray in between us, stayed up in the family room in silence. Grant might be the same as me in humour, but I could never have opened up like that so rawly, and that's where he comes in. I complete him by being tough, and he lets me be emotional through him. One day when Gray is older he will come in to the equation, and complete us even more. But until then, it's just Grant and I, and it's nice to know that my best friend has my back.

Week 10

Well, I have a problem, I need time to stop. Senior year is going so fast, it's already almost Halloween. I've been busy taking senior poll photos, trying to finish college applications, and at the same time remembering to have fun. My friends haven't seen me in weeks, my boyfriend complains he never sees me, and my parents asked me last night to please try and be home for dinner once a week. When things are going so fast, how is it possible to stop and smell the roses?

On top of that my youngest brother, Gray, left for Outdoor Ed this week. I remember when I was packing for that, thinking I was so grown up to finally going out without my parents, and that I was a "big girl" now. Well, the "big girlness" has faded, and all I want to do is be a little kid and have my parents clean up after me. I'm tired, stressed, and the only thing to do is to keep going, because if I stop I might fall behind.

This weekend my girlfriends decided that it was necessary to take a girls night out and go to see Where the Wild Things Are. I went into the movie expecting some silly little film, that I could take my brother to when he got home. The movie surprised me, it taught that above all no one is perfect and all you can do is try. I guess that's all I can do in these next couple months, to try. I can try and meet my parents, friends, and boyfriend's expectations. Or I can try and just be happy, and make myself happy. I think I'm going to go with the later.